HORNET PLUS THREE - VERSION 0 © 2015 NEAL WILLIAMS
The conversation below is what I imagined the three heroes talked about while undergoing mandatory quarantining due to the potential of moon bugs. The conversation below is entirely made up but maybe something like this was discussed…
"Come on Neil, lighten up, relax. We're heading home."
"Of course we are, Mike, we are in a Winnebago."
"That's all you got? You realize it's never going to be the same."
"It's still my life, it's irrelevant what others want or think."
"Do the two of you understand what you just did?"
"Come on Mike, it was just a job."
"Really Buzz, a job? We traveled a million miles, to the Moon, returned with some rocks and you think it was just a job?"
"You want some more coffee? A muffin?"
"You know what I really want? A nice fat steak? A cold beer."
"How about you Neil, what do you want?"
"A crisp, ripe Apple, fresh, recently fallen."
"Buzz?"
"Yeah give me some of that coffee. Did you make this batch Mike because this stuff is awful.
"Our options are limited, you guys want to play some cards?"
"Oh god no, I just want some fresh air, be outside away Velcro, beta cloth, and sterility."
"What are you reading there Neil, join the conversation?"
"Just going through mission debrief while it's fresh in my mind, you know help out the next crew."
"Take a break, it's over, we're done."
"Not exactly Mike, you still have a chance."
"What chance is that Buzz?"
"Talk to Deke, bet he could get you back in the cycle, command your own mission, get a chance to walk on the Moon."
"Don't you guys get it? It's over, mission accomplished."
"What do you mean?"
"With Neil's first step, the era is over. Next year it's 1970, new decade. Kennedy's dream fulfilled, we're yesterday's news.
"Wow, Mike, don't let NASA hear that?"
"Rumblings are already there, budgets been cut, looks like 17 might be the last flight."
"Giant leap for mankind, huh? By way where'd you come up with that Neil?"
"Don't be a jerk, had to say something profound, especially for those not there with us."
"Geez and I thought we were all in this together. Don't be mean-spirited. I enjoyed my time without you two."
"What was it like? Being all alone up there."
"It was quiet, especially when I dipped behind the moon and the radio signal dropped out. I was the most alone a man has ever been."
"In some respects, Mike, you'll probably have it easier.
“Don't take this the wrong way but no one will remember you."
"Wow, Buzz don't hold back, what is it with the two of you? Get the first crack to walk on the moon and now your egos can't be contained?"
"Don't be like that Mike. You knew it was going to be this way."
"We each did our part. Think of the press I would have gotten if I would have had to leave you two there?"
"Poor Mike Collins, longest journey home for a man in the history of the world."
"Think of the free drinks I would have gotten. You guys ever think about it?"
"What free drinks? No, I never thought of staying."
"Really Neil, never?"
"There was no reason to think about it. The engine either worked or didn't."
"So it didn't work, you slowly run out of air, you asphyxiate, that never entered your mind?"
"I had faith?"
"Faith? Come on Buzz, you're an engineer. How were faith and plumbing intertwined?"
"We’ve all flown jets, we all have our own intimacy with equipment.”
“Interesting word choice there Buzz? Poetic, didn’t think you MIT-trained engineers had it in you.”
“Nicely played, Neil. Well if either of you cared, I’m glad to be stuck in this tin can with you both. I certainly had thought about it. You do realize Nixon had a fallback speech?”
“What do you mean?”
“I was briefed that if you two were stuck, President was going to deliver a nice eulogy to you both.”
“That’s morbid.”
“Again we are just men, not invincible.”
“Are we boring you now Neil? Newspaper? What’s going on in the world?”
“Are you trying to make up for the conversation you lost while behind the Moon?”
“Are you saying you don’t want to get together for Christmas dinner each year to commemorate our adventure, Neil?”
“Exactly.”
“Why so stoic, we did it, we pulled it out. Eight years ago we had a 15-minute suborbital ballistic shot and now the Moon.”
“Look I’ve done my part, been a figurehead, I’m ready to return to what I know.”
“You don’t think things will be different now?”
“I’m just a man, NASA and America did the heavy lifting.”
“Buzz?”
“I was number two, no one will remember the second guy. Neil will always be remembered.”
“You’re too hard on yourself Buzz, we both landed on the moon together, just because my shoe got dirty first shouldn’t mean anything.”
“Then why did you insist that it was the Commander’s prerogative to go out first. I was the LM pilot, it was supposed to be me.”
“Ha Ha, look at the sparkle in Neil’s eye. He likes to think and project that it didn’t matter who was first but he knows.”
“Czar of the ship, my friends, remember that.”
“Cool, calm, collected Neil. I’ve spent more time with you over these past two years than with my wife. And you know what? You’re a giant pain in the ass but fifty years from now I still say you were the right bastard to be first.”
“Thanks, Mike, I appreciate that, I really do.”
“What about me Mike?”
“Buzz? Just like me, I will have forgotten you just like everyone else.”
“Anyone want something to eat?”
“God no, I’m so tired of this mess hall-style food, it reminds me of Korea.”
“You just want to check out the nurse again?”
“Been a long voyage mate? Watching a grown man defecate in a back of a capsule makes for a long trip.”
“At least there was more privacy on Columbia than the Eagle.”
“Yeah, you have to admit that is pretty funny that your permanent tribute on the moon contains your freeze-dried shit. Someday it will be cataloged and stored in some moon museum.”
“Your imagination Mike, what would we do without it.”
“Some elementary school kids will gather around a lucite container looking at Neil’s frozen dried pooh. What do you think of that oh great one?”
“I didn’t defecate on the moon.”
“Buzz? Don’t hold back, this is your chance.”
“LM secrets, Mike, I’ll never tell.”
“Don’t you dare leave him off the hook. I think I’m going to write a tell-all. Pristine commander with intestinal disorder stinks out the crew.”
“Teflon, Mike, nothing sticks to Neil. Me on the other hand, I’m sure I’ll get thrown under the bus.”
“Respect the fraternity.”
“Party pooper or should I say party constipater?”
“As I said before, give me a crisp apple any day over that freeze-dried crap they served us for 10 days.”
“Good point, another good reason to retire. Don’t know if I could spend another 10 days stuck in a closed, cramped, cockpit with two other guys.”
“Throw in a woman. A new dimension for the term ladies first.”
“Heh heh, capsule maid.”
“Come on guys, bad enough the geologist are getting antsy, last thing we need is to have to re-engineer everything for a gal.”
“Think it matters?”
“What’s that?”
“You know the fact it’s just a bunch of white guys.”
“They’ll get their chance someday.”
“Well they weren’t looking for poets, they needed people who routinely looked into the jaws of death and then asked death for a rain check.”
“Oh yeah Buzz, that’s rich coming from a guy who wasn’t a test pilot. Did you look into the jaws of death from your slide rule?”
“Takes a bit more to be a PhD, Mike, maybe you’d have gotten to walk on the moon with one.”
“Ooh, he still has a bite. Look I’ll say it again. I got my chance, it was a hell of a ride and I’ll leave it at that.”
“You keep thinking that but don’t tell me that one day you’ll look up into the sky and say ‘damn, I was so close.’”
"We all won the lottery mates. I was 60 miles away, no complaints."
"I'll be honest Mike, planners had every second planned. I barely had the opportunity to even stop and think, let alone realize I was walking on another world."
"You agree Neil?"
"Yeah, Buzz got it right. Even now I try to think back to the experience, it's already fuzzy. Even when the photos get developed it will be hard to believe I was there."
"Heh, heh"
"What are you laughing about Buzz?"
"I got the last laugh."
"Really how so?"
"I never photographed Neil."
"What do you mean?
"I got so busy never bothered to stop and ask Neil to take his picture."
"That true, Neil?"
"I'm sure there is at least one. We took a lot of photos."
"Wow, that would suck not to have at least one photo memento of your trip."
"So Buzz, are you saying if there are no photos of Neil, he didn't make the trip?"
"Nah, just ribbing him. Honestly, it wasn't on purpose. But Neil did make me sleep on the floor of the LM on the Moon. Freaking cold and dusty."
"Personally I slept like a baby in the roomy command module. No one bugging me."
"You have something there, Mike."
"Not to be cheesy but this is the quietest it's going to get. Here in our little mobile home. What chance do we have from here on out?"
"We're still young, we got a whole another life in front of us."
"Yeah, but come on, you'll see your kids grow up, they'll have grandkids, maybe have a job where you're somewhat happy. Guys get me? Understand what I'm saying? You'll come home from some boring job, twenty something's bothering you because they're frazzled about some BS, you'll get yourself a drink, nice scotch, cold ice...you'll walk out onto the porch, gaze into the sky, see the Moon and realize that's was probably the best it was going to get."
"Damn Mike, who needs to lighten up?"
"No really guys, here we are, buttoned-up, in a couple of days, they'll release us into the wild. We'll shake hands, attend banquets, eat steak until we're fat but every night we'll see the Moon hanging there."
"We get your point, Mike."
"Some drunk's politician wife will wrap her arms around you the astronaut, look into your eyes, and ask you for the millionth time, 'What's it like walking on the Moon?'"
"Enough, we get it, okay?"
"You'll look up, show her that famous grin, look down into her eyes and without missing a beat say, 'Ever have sex on a waterbed? Yeah, walking on the moon is better.'"
"Heh, heh, good one Mike, you certainly have the storyteller's perspective, just one thing, what are you going to say when that drunk woman rides your arm and wants to know what the Moon's like?"
"Hey, now Buzz that's a cheap shot. Be nice to Mike."
"You know Buzz, I've given a lot of thought about that but my good looks, my gravitas, as they say, will simply tell them I was worth too much...we only sent the dumb ones we disliked to the Moon, hoping they might not come home."
"Witticisms, Mike, will always be your best friend."
"How do you think I got to be among the great Neil and Buzz. Had to find someone with greatness to put up with the both of you."
"You're probably right good buddy. They'll study, perform psych evals, research our habits, and determine some scientific principles that made us the best to be the first ones. But in the end, it was just pure random luck that brought us together. We all took that step and here we sit."
"Ahh, the Commander finally puts together two or more sentences. Wished I'd gotten that on tape for posterity."
"Look guys it's going to get pretty busy soon, I'm going to take a nap."
"Yeah old man you do that, just promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
"Keep dreaming."